Stockbroker Martin Kessman (pictured above) has a problem. He can’t fit in the booths at White Castle.
To combat this horrible injustice, the 290 lb. hero bellied up to the suing people counter and ordered a White Castle Lawsuit. What I’m trying to say is: husky got his feelers hurt and is suing White Castle because his buns can’t squeeze into the booths. He claims it violates the Americans with Disabilities Act.
I’m gonna cut the part of this post where I tell you, it’s way to dang early in the morning for this foolery, and just skip to the quips.
The Crib Keeper’s Response to the case of Idiot vs White Castle
1. Shame on White Castle for not wanting to accommodate the very walrus pup it suckled on its cheesy meat. How do you think he got to be 290 lbs? By sitting in a White Castle booth sliding your sliders into his mouth, of course.
2. Shame on
Fatty McGigglepants Martin Kessman for trying to use the Americans with Disabilities Act as cause for his case. Really dude? Last time I checked you were ABLE BODIED and could drop weight if’n ya wanted to.
3. This is the height of “frivolous lawsuits,” what’s next? Me suing jeggings for making my butt look like a vacuum packed Virginia ham?
4. It’s called a Drive-Thru, idiot. You should eat fast food like the rest of America, on a couch in the secret shame of your own home.
5. This dude is not what I picture as a stock broker, my mind thinks Gordon Gecko, when in reality I should be imagining…the corpse of Burgess Meredith.
Yes my darlings, I know 98% of you out there have not a clue as to who Burgess Meredith was. It’s okay, you have
lives normal brains that don’t collect freakish amounts of USELESS TRIVIAL KNOWLEDGE! Burgess Meredith played the Penguin in the sixties Adam West series, Batman.
6. I’ll use any excuse to start my day with the Beastie Boys, so since the Boys name check White Castle in the following, I’m running with it!
Have a WONDERFUL TUES-THE-EXTREME Day!
Get out there and live life in THE EXTREME TODAY! The power of Vanilla Ice, Patron Saint of Tues the Extreme Day, compels you.