Happy Labor Day y’all!
Today is a day that we celebrate all the hard work that we do as a
country by sitting on our duffs. Any way you barbeque it, there’s a
whole bunch o’ buns getting sat on and eaten today.
Unless you have to work today. Then, it’s just like any other
day of the week because you have to toil away while every single
person other than you is having a blast stuffing their faces with
watching judge Judy playin’ Frisbee and enjoying the last
hurrah of what was truly a miserably hot summer. You, my
work horse darlings, are the real heroes.
While I’m off playin’ for the rest of the evening, I wanted to take
this moment to spotlight one of the heroes who is so
giving of his time on this Labor day.
Meet Pat Sajak
Pat Sajak is an American Television Icon who for the past 30
years, has hosted the brain-trust…Wheel of Fortune, AKA Jeopardy for dips*its. 1. It’s crazy easy. 2. I lurve it.
Each night, regardless of the day of the week, be it a holiday or
ol’ Pat’s birthday, he is working the TV screen as the host of the
world’s most glamorous game of Hangman.
You’d think this dapper Don would be the happiest little worker in
the diamond mine. I mean Sajak has a wonderful life hosting the
sweetest gig in the world. But no, Pat Sajak has the biggest chip on
his shoulder every day of the year.
You’ve heard the old saying “a labor of love?” Well, Wheel of Fortune is Pat Sajak’s labor of hate.
He’s not even trying anymore. “Phoning it in” would be a compliment. Lifting a telephone would require too much effort. This fool is “bedding it in.” Every evening at 6:30pm Mr. Sajak and the glorious national fashion treasure, Vanna White strut out on the same sound stage they have for 30 years and robotically go through the motions.
Vanna, an ol’ pro, still keeps it fit and looks great. She has the
same manufactured exuberance combined with the Joan
Collins gowns she wore in the 80’s. Each night she essentially transports me
back to the evenings of my youth. I can remember my mom was a “wheel
watcher,” each evening the click of the wheel was the faint
background soundtrack of my homework toiling.
Where I live Wheel of Fortune is on every day at 6:30pm,
regardless of day. Be it Labor days or Christmases, Pat Sajak is
working it. And mirthless the entire time.
I challenge each and every last one of you to catch an episode of
Wheel of Fortune and take a note of our beloved host.
This man is trapped, sure the pay is good but the WHEEL has taken
his soul. Pat’s joy jar is bankrupt. Too many years at the helm of
the SS Dipwad have left a once gifted sprite of a young man nothing but a
bitter, sarcastic old snitch who doesn’t even try to hide his contempt
for not only the contestants, but for every single human being
witnessing his shameful spiral into television obscurity, wheel spin by
But a paycheck is a paycheck, and Vanna white IS a classy knockout.
So I feel not one shred for sorrow for Mr. Sajak, matter of fact, his
contempt and robo-hosting adds a hilarious subplot. I implore you to
I guarantee you if you closely observe Sajak you’re bound to get a
laffable gem from his hating hand which can manifest itself in any or all of the following ways depending on how early he got to the liquor:
1. a joyless congrats to a doofus
2. open ridicule of said doofus
3. sarcastic banter
4. cutting remarks at Vanna
If these two were the glamorous hosting couple of the 1980’s, now they are the
old married couple who kept it together for the “wheel watchers,” which is to say, they hate each other.
On this fine day of Labor we celebrate by sloth, let us
spend just a sliver of our lazy day saluting Mr. Pat Sajak, the true
hero of a day. While we’re playing and laffin, he’s
the bottle hosting “Idiots on parade.”
Tip o’ the Stetson to you Mr. Sajak, the sarcastic snitchiness and “I don’t care,” you show us is an inspiration to shade throwers everywhere. To the Man who never truly gets a break, we salute you!