Rant: I’m extremely sick of…

I was the Joker, for crying out loud!

“Bucket Lists”

I wish they’d never made that horrible movie, the Bucket List.

Look, I know your memaw and the Morgan Freeman enthusiasts of the world, are gonna throw hate at me for throwing hate on the movie, but it’s guilty of a multitude of sins. For the sake of saving time, I’ll just spit 2 at ya.

1. It furthers the de-coolification of Jack Nicholson

2. It has caused every human being on earth to compile a “bucket list.”

Real Talk:  people don’t actually write out bucket lists, they just refer to imaginary ones when they come across something they desire.

We’ve all heard or said the following types of phrases:

“Eating deep-fried Twinkies and deep-fried Funyuns simultaneously is on my Bucket list.”

“Oooh a tour of Naples and Pompeii! That’s definitely going on my bucket list.”

“It’s always been on my bucket list to make out with 30 sailors at fleet week.”

The truth is, there’s no such thing as a bucket list. It’s called a well-lived life, you dumbos.

Stop trotting out that bowel movement of a movie and start owning your dreams!!

You see my darlings, we as a collective group are far more creative than a premise for a tear-jerker buddy dramedy that Sheryl in Accounting, went to see five times in the theatre.

The time to take control of your life list is now!

If you want to buy an expensive bottle of apple cider and make a baby elephant drink it from a straw, so be it! Own it. Stop saying “You know, it’s on my bucket list to…”

You want to skydive in to a live Volcano? Fines with me. Do a snooty something with some la-dee-da douchebags? Ok. Simply stop using the term “bucket list,” to justify your crappy dreams and pathetic wishes.

Look, I’m all about life affirming Carl Rob Reiner films, I just prefer that they be decent. Life is meant to be lived, not items on some imaginary list that revolves around your death.

I’m just sayin’.

Seize the FRIED TWINKIE, my darlings! Or the DEEP FRIED WATERMELON! Yes, I promise this exists…I can’t wait to try it! YUM!!!!

GET IN MAH MAWF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On this glorious TUES-the-Extreme day Live your life in the EXTREME. Be it through bungee jumping, chapstick fueled make out sessions with sailors or knitting.

Speaking of knitting, In honor of TUES-THE -EXTREME Day’s Patron Saint, Mr. Vanilla Ice, here’s a sweater that pays beautiful tribute!

Can you knit tear stains of joy?


Comments

Rant: I’m extremely sick of… — 6 Comments

  1. I blame “bucket lists” on the Baby Boomers. Freakin’ old people. Their lives wind up like “The Last Picture Show” because they had the ambition and vision of a pencil set. Then they get old and realize that all that time passed and all they have to show for it are three divorces, grown-up children that can’t stand their jaded point of view and the gout. All of a sudden, they’re 68 and life is precious. A-holes.

  2. Mrs. Holm made us develop a list of five things we wanted to do during our lifetime. I am proud to say I have one item left on the list – drive a zambonie. As for wear that cool sweater…not so much…didn’t make the list.

  3. LOL Mrs. Holm! I forgot all about her. I’m dying to hear your other 4. I’ll bet one of them involves almost getting arrested with Vanilla Ice…cross another off the list 😉

  4. They outnumber me … for now. Those d-bags are dropping like communist countries.

    By the way, I’m developing a whole new vernacular which combines current syntax and lexicon with references to 1989. See above.

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