Beyonce has a case of the babyfriends.

5 bux says if it's a girl it'll look like THIS!

In case you were too busy having a life to watch the MTV Music Awards, the only thing you missed is the publicity ATOM BOMB Mr. and Mrs. Jay-Z dropped on us, Beyoncé is pregnant.

I know, it’s so hard to believe! I mean, millions of folks have babies each year, but those miscreants aren’t growing in the golden temple of wombs, AKA Beyoncé.

I’m going to skip throwing shade at her DRAMA-QUEEN babyfriend announcing ways, because as a fellow lover of OVER THE TOP, I can’t hate. Matter of fact, tip o’ the Stetson to you Bey Bey, you made the MTV Video Music Awards worth talking about this morning!

Real Talk: I remember when the VMAs weren’t terrible. Of course I was a stupid punk kid back then who thought “The Tom Green Show,” was brilliant. So perhaps I was wrong all along.

Way to go Jay-Z, you’ll have someone to leave ALLLLLLLLL that $$$ to! And double thumbs up to Beyoncé for deciding to increase your future divorce settlement!!

Crib Keeper, that’s mean. What about true lurve!?

You’re right, Beyoncé and Jay-Z have the chops…THE COSBY CHOPS!

Why they are the living embodiment of THE HUXTABLES!

Claire and Cliff Huxtable were a tight-knit, couple who also were wealthy and lived in NEW YORK CITY!!!!!!! I’m sure Cliff and Claire are still happily dancing to old Motown records in the living room, while a 40-year-old Tempest Bledsoe aka Vanessa, still lives at home with them, because you know that child wasn’t going to do anything but mooch off her parents for the rest of her natural-born life. But hey, he’s a Doctor and she’s a Lawyer, so they have it covered. Of course, Claire and Cliff Huxtable are REAL and Jay-Z and Beyoncé are make-believe.

Hooray for Baby Friends! Hooray for PUBLICITY STUNTS! Hooray for BUCKETS of future alimony and child support!

True Story: When I was right out of the hospital with our tiny newborn, the first bit of television I caught was the HARD HITTING NEWS SHOW, TMZ. On that particular IMPORTANT episode, they were discussing Beyoncé’s possible pregnancy. It was 2:00 in the morning, I lost it and started hysterically crying.  A punch drunk lover fo’ life stumbled out of bed to check on me (even though it was MY shift with the angriest little newborn.) He ran into the living room and frantically asked , “what’s wrong!?”

I sobbed…

“Beyoncé is having a baby. And she has the scratch to hire private nurses and staff to deal with all of this horrible new baby business.”

He quickly responded: “Oh man, that lucky snitch!”

So congrats Jay-Z and Bey Bey on the baby. I’m sure you’ll meet your offspring when they hit 2 months old, because trust that before then, it’s best to have your private staff of medical professionals and nannies deal with the bambino.

In honor of the great maternal dance this woman is taking part in, I thought we’d give Beyoncé the morning off, and let one of her CAPABLE look-a-likes do one of her greatest songs.


Comments

Beyonce has a case of the babyfriends. — 1 Comment

  1. For the longest, I couldn’t figure out if it was New York City or Philadelphia. Cosby’s from Philadelphia. I’m sure there were geographic references (like Brooklyn or 5th Avenue or something), but the first one I noticed was when Theo went to NYU “across town.”

    I read your post and kept picturing HOVA Jr. getting his ear pierce by Young Jeezy’s kid and he and Pappa Z doing the “lean/headphone” routine on the bed. “Are you still bopping to the music in your head?”

    I think the singularly most awesome detail being overlooked is Kayne West being named godfather.

    I salute this Cosby post. I Zrrbert you.

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