School starts in these parts on Monday. I have many friends and family members that are teachers. While I sympathize for the summer breaks that are coming to a close, the villain in me is rejoicing.
You see, my house is near both an elementary and high school. And while the traffic twice a day is about to get very annoying, it’s all worth it.
I have a spring in my step a sparkle in my smile and a twinkle in my laugh these days, why it’s almost like Christmas for me! I love watching the young children file into an elementary school, just like the rest of you. They are adorable and idealistic in their love of order and school supplies. But the joy of tiny tots is not why I’m brimming with happiness.
I love watching teenagers suffer. Maybe it’s because I was the king of annoying teens, or I’m just an old snitch who delights in others misery.
Witnessing the “death march” of adolescents as they cart themselves off to school, their daily doom and prison, brings a glee to my heart that supersedes most trivial things in life. The sullen sulks, the miserable mugs, it’s almost like living in Disneyworld. Well, Disneyworld for mean ol’ hags who lurve to HATE teens. Every May, as the last class bell rings like a clarion (yes, I’m close enough to the campus that I hear bells,) thousands of teens cheer and honk their horns in a celebratory manner as they peel out of my neighborhood. It grinds my gears every time. How do I keep my cool? I simply repeat to myself: “Come August, I will be BATHING in the tears of those stupid teenagers.”
And now it’s time. Time for me to reap the benefits of biting my tongue year round. Could I make these annoying kids cry with a wave of my insulting, demon tongue? You bet. But where’s the fun in that? Kids today are weenies.
Cyberbully? Try old skool original gangsta bully. You see, it would be a tap out before the match even began. These pukes have nothing on this hardcore a-hole!So, I keep quiet and bide my time. Laugh all you want students of name withheld High School. Come Monday, I’ll be swigging TEEN TEAR COCKTAILS!!!!