Beautiful People are Selfish. Alternate Title: Duh.

Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful.

When I last checked, Time magazine was the mag you got stuck with in the doctor’s office waiting room when all of the “good ones,” were taken. Apparently, they are also into breaking stories that aren’t new news and educating us in the obvious, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

People with symmetrical faces, a litmus test for what is considered beautiful, were observed and interviewed by some scientists from some place that doesn’t impact me so I don’t care to remember. After studying the results the science dudes found that “beautiful people” were…1. Self-Reliant 2. Would rather chose to be a hawk over a dove. Of course the two scientifically added up to “pretty people are selfish.”

As a beautiful person myself, I can verify that this highly scientific study is right on the money.

Your ol’ pal the Crib Keeper is super selfish, matter of fact, I devoted an entire website (this very one you’re on rite now!) to whatever I feel like posting/writing about. Of course, MY SITE IS SO MAGNIFICENT, the selfishness is cancelled out by the service I’m providing humanity by having this site of awesome.  You, my darling readers agree, no doubt. Here’s the link to the blurb on time.com about the study…for those of you who actually glance this quick read: I too, would have chosen hawk if asked, why? Because HAWKS RULE! Haven’t these fools seen LADYHAWKE!? Anyone with a brain would choose a rad (almost like a falcon) HAWK over a stupid cooing peaceful dove. Le Snooze.

http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/08/16/study-pretty-people-are-more-selfish/

This crap passes for science these days? Someone needs to transfer all these fools to something like curing cancer, fixing the ozone or solving the mystery of why J.Lo still has a career in 2011. You know, the important stuff.

Right now people with more degrees than the record heat wave we’re having in Texas (crowd groans,) are studying pretty people. What’s next, a study that concludes puppies are playful? A study to show string bikini’s look good on skanks?

Seriously, EVERYONE KNOWS BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ARE SELFISH.

Important scientists of the world: I’d like to take this moment of MY post to tell you of a PERSONAL scientific quest I am on, and I would like you to join in.

The Megalodon Still Exists. It is only a matter of time before my theory is proven. You can join my fleet of Cryptozoologists and we will taste GLORY! Simply leave the ridiculous studies you are working on and expect no compensation from yours truly and we’ll be set!

Giving ugly scientists a chance to bathe in the chummed waters of megalodon research? I’m such a giver. For a selfish beauty who doesn’t need anyone, I’m a saint. Just ask my favorite person: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.


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