Excuse her Beauty.

Who loves ya babe?

If you were hoping to fill the position of the world’s most awesome beauty, you’re too late.

Meet Sandy McMillin, the hot to trot Wal-Mart shopper who was kicked out for wearing a bikini top. Do whatever it takes to watch this short video, and you will see love. I dare you not to fall in love with this stunning showcase of God’s creations.

Those local yokels disabled embedding, so you have to click on the link…DO IT, IT’S SOOOOOO WORTH IT!


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

1. She’s wearing an elaborate leg brace, obviously she’s triumphed over adversity recently.

2. She still uses the term, “hoochie mamma.”

3. She calls her flesh flapjacks “laurels.”

4. She looks like a young Telly Savalas

5. She wants to get paid.

Real talk, when my buddy first sent me this, I thought it was a Cross-Dressing dude that got thrown out for being fancy. I was intrigued by this man’s masculine musk…only to hear her smooth and pebble covered gravel pile of a voice.

Sandy McMillin is all WOMAN. How could I have missed this dainty sea shell of a Goddess, why I need to learn every lesson of style and grace from this vision in turquoise. Phyllis, hold my calls, I’m going to be in class.

What class you ask?

How to be a stone cold fox 101, taught by professor Sandy McMillin.

Side Tangent: Isn’t her name great!?

I hear Sandy McMillin and I imagine someone entirely different. My Sandy McMillin is the perfect mom in the playgroup, the beautiful neighbor who always has the best yard decorations. Sure, she’s been down since Mr. McMillin left her for his “soulmate” a 23-year-old busboy named Ramon, but who cares!? She’s still the president of the PTA and all the other single dads are chomping at the bit to warm her lonely laurels. That’s my Sandy McMillin, huntress of the Suburbs.

Instead the REAL Sandy McMillin, is a true hero upon a half shell. No, not because she is the spitting image of an albino Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, because she is Venus rolling from the sea, the pearl on an oyster shell of beauty. Just like the painting. But in a string bikini top. God Bless America, shame on you Wal-Mart.

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