The Hottest Baby Names of 2011 Alternate title, America land of the dipwads.

So hot, she's cool!

Nameberry recently released their list of the top baby names for 2011, and let me be the first to say: THANK GOODNESS THERE ARE NO TWILIGHT NAMES. I’ll remind you that last year both Edward, Jacob and Cullen were all top names. Happily, the new parents of the world woke up, realized they were naming their kids after a poorly written teen novel series, and promptly came to their damn senses. That’s not to say there aren’t some doozies on this list. So without further adieu, I present them to you.

Note: I am a sarcastic jerk, I can’t help but speak my peace about the names. Sorry if I offend you. That’s the brakes, kid.

Hottest Baby Names of 2011

Pippa: A nickname for Phillipa, this obviously rose to popularity because of the stupid, idiotic, waste of our time, the Royal Wedding. Great, now your daughter will forever have to explain her name…

“Oh ’twas a heady time in the USA, we were obsessed with a sister of some English princess.” Why? “She had an ok backside.”

Asher: Asher is a biblical name, but all I can think of is the diamond. Why? It’s the cut of my engagement diamond. An Assher cut, that is. Might as well call the kid: Princess, Round, Emerald, Cushion, or Marquis. Which, unless your child is a member Doug E. Fresh’s “Get Fresh Crew,” won’t fly.

Elula: Oh I get it. Name your daughter this and she’s sure to never have a date, I totally understand what you’re going for here…NICE STRATEGY.

Everett: Great classic name. Good job, some of you!

Hadley: This is the name version of a “kick me” sign. Name your kid this, and I guaranty jerks like me will have “itchy fists” around them.

Arlo: This is the male Elula.

Mila: Awesome if you were 1. On that 70’s show, 2. Starred in The Fifth Element. Otherwise, it’s the name of a day shift barmaid at Ocala, Florida’s #3 gentleman’s club.

Flynn: Great for a swashbuckling dandy who pioneered Hollywood. Otherwise, you’d best invest in some tights, they help them make a quicker retreat from mobs of bullies the child will most assuredly encounter in life.

Adele: No doubt because of the awesome singer.

Archer: This I’m told, is because of some character on some soap opera show that I don’t watch. Archer is also the title character of a hilarious LEWD cartoon by the same name.

Luna: Woof Woof. My brother from my other mother, G$ has an adorable pit bull, her name you ask? LUNA.

 And there you have it, the coldest hottest names of 2011. Let a whole new generation of cool kids (Everett) have a bounty of dweebs (Hadley) to feast upon be friends with.

Please understand I am very pro-unusual name, I just simply request you do it well.


The Hottest Baby Names of 2011 Alternate title, America land of the dipwads. — 7 Comments

  1. Good job avoiding a beat down. 🙂 haha.

    I never thought of Everett as a common name, but maybe that means we can finally find some swag with his name on it. You know, because that will make him way cooler. 🙂 I’m pretty sure the name is on the rise because of the coolest one born about 4 years ago. He’s already a trendsetter. 🙂

  2. Oh hell. I’m preggo & my girl name is Hadley 🙁 I didn’t know it was popular enough to be on a list. Also, I hope if it’s a girl that you won’t wanna punch her! 😉

  3. As for the Twilight names, I had a Bella before all those crazies. The Mila comment is amazing since our man J.T. is hung up on her and any chance I get to kick her while she is beautiful works for me. I prefer Leggs and The Boss any day of the week.

    • That’s so true, notice I kept Bella out of my examples, it’s a beautiful name…LITERALLY! Besides Jenn, everyone knows you named her after the gymnastics coaching great, Bela Karolyi!

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