Nameberry recently released their list of the top baby names for 2011, and let me be the first to say: THANK GOODNESS THERE ARE NO TWILIGHT NAMES. I’ll remind you that last year both Edward, Jacob and Cullen were all top names. Happily, the new parents of the world woke up, realized they were naming their kids after a poorly written teen novel series, and promptly came to their damn senses. That’s not to say there aren’t some doozies on this list. So without further adieu, I present them to you.
Note: I am a sarcastic jerk, I can’t help but speak my peace about the names. Sorry if I offend you. That’s the brakes, kid.
Hottest Baby Names of 2011
Pippa: A nickname for Phillipa, this obviously rose to popularity because of the stupid, idiotic, waste of our time, the Royal Wedding. Great, now your daughter will forever have to explain her name…
“Oh ’twas a heady time in the USA, we were obsessed with a sister of some English princess.” Why? “She had an ok backside.”
Asher: Asher is a biblical name, but all I can think of is the diamond. Why? It’s the cut of my engagement diamond. An Assher cut, that is. Might as well call the kid: Princess, Round, Emerald, Cushion, or Marquis. Which, unless your child is a member Doug E. Fresh’s “Get Fresh Crew,” won’t fly.
Elula: Oh I get it. Name your daughter this and she’s sure to never have a date, I totally understand what you’re going for here…NICE STRATEGY.
Everett: Great classic name. Good job, some of you!
Hadley: This is the name version of a “kick me” sign. Name your kid this, and I guaranty jerks like me will have “itchy fists” around them.
Arlo: This is the male Elula.
Mila: Awesome if you were 1. On that 70’s show, 2. Starred in The Fifth Element. Otherwise, it’s the name of a day shift barmaid at Ocala, Florida’s #3 gentleman’s club.
Flynn: Great for a swashbuckling dandy who pioneered Hollywood. Otherwise, you’d best invest in some tights, they help them make a quicker retreat from mobs of bullies the child will most assuredly encounter in life.
Adele: No doubt because of the awesome singer.
Archer: This I’m told, is because of some character on some soap opera show that I don’t watch. Archer is also the title character of a hilarious LEWD cartoon by the same name.
Luna: Woof Woof. My brother from my other mother, G$ has an adorable pit bull, her name you ask? LUNA.
And there you have it, the
coldest hottest names of 2011. Let a whole new generation of cool kids (Everett) have a bounty of dweebs (Hadley) to feast upon be friends with.
Please understand I am very pro-unusual name, I just simply request you do it well.