Extreme Brain Freeze!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

 We’re halfway through this SPECIAL RICHARD SIMMONS BIRTHDAY EDITION of TUES-the-EXTREME day, and we’re JUST getting started.

In honor of the Sire of Spandex, the King of Kinky Hair, I made him a birthday cake! Well, I didn’t make it but I found a picture of the cake I would have made, had Richard Simmons asked me for one.

Eat it, Simmons!

Pretty SWEET Lookin’ cake eh? You know what we need to go with that birthday cake, for a steamin’ hot man?

All the ice-cream we can get our mitts on!

Here’s a sundae legend known as “The Kitchen Sink,” found at  Disney’s Yacht and Beach Club Resort: It’s massive. Warning, you’re gonna get a toothache JUST WATCHING the following:

HAY CRIB KEEPER!

Hey What?

Don’t you think you should show something more healthy? The man HAS devoted his life to helping people drop a few.

Excellent point, my astute reader.

In honor of the sparkliest unicorn that ever pranced in the golden light of fabulousness, here’s the most fabulous snowcone in the history of the low-fat ice treat!

HEY YOU, WAKE UP! You still have that stuff to do for that thing you’re avoiding thinking about. It’s time to get those honeybuns in gear, and be productive, EXTREME PRODUCTIVITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But first, let’s waste just a little more time.

WORDS FROM THE MASTER: “We live in an age with fax machines, car phones and CD’s.” 

Luckiest. Shorts. Ever.

Is he trying to seduce me with the music?

Shhhh It’s working.

In the interest of full disclosure: 75% of the shorts my father wears are that short. He bought them in 1982 and refuses to admit fashion changes. Believe me when I tell you this: every time he wears them he looks like he’s cruising a Lady Gaga Roller Disco Party.

Dad, It’s time to retire the shorts. All of them. You’re a Grandfather now, not grand marshall of the Pepaw Pride Parade.

 

Happy Birthday Mr. Simmons! I got you a coupla pieces of candy, EYE-CANDY, that is!!!!!!!

Eye Candy is Calorie Free.


Comments

Extreme Brain Freeze! — 2 Comments

  1. I stumbled upon your blog randomly but I am glad because it is THOROUGHLY ENTERTAINING. Had to leave a comment empathizing with you on the “dad in Richard Simmons-esque short-shorts” issue; My dad always used to wear shorts like that too! At the time he was a runner but wore them ALL the time (supposedly because they were “comfortable” but I think it was to show off his legs) – to the museum, on a family trip to a farm, hanging around the house, etc… He had them in all the manliest colors too; hot pink, purple and silver, lol. Also, I must say that I too am riveted by Richard Simmon’s impish charm (I once dressed up as him for halloween). Lastly, I am completely aghast at the “kitchen sink” Sundae, that is some serious straight-up FEEDER insanity, that thing needs to be sponsored by Diabetes.

    • Thank you!!! So glad you enjoyed it! OMG Running shorts are 10 times worse, the weird silky fabric, the questionable slits up the side, you poor child!!!!!!!!!!!! You dressed as Richard Simmons for halloween!? You are truly among your people here, would love to see a costume pic! LOLOLOLOLOLOL “that thing needs to be sponsored by Diabetes”- lurvesit!

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