Grouchy Granny (who’s not really a grouch,) is watching Angry Baby for the day. Why? Because I’ve got to get some stuff done. Angry Baby has been a real Queen-la-teef-a lately, and I have a deadline tomorrow.
I’m running errands, cleaning my godforsaken heckhole of a house, and writing. Oh the plans I have! I’m so excited.
I’m Kevin F**KING McAllister today. HOME ALONE!
The beauty of an empty home turns a dump sparkling clean, errands magically disappear and the jokes write themselves. Why? ’cause I’m doing it allllllllll on cloud nine!!!!!
No Angry Baby to make every single solitary task I do, take at least 3x longer and 7x more difficult to do. She’s my home girl, but this little break I have is like…well, It’s like Angry Baby flew to france and forgot me. KEVIN!?!?
Only, I’m a real grownup, I can come and go as I please. Joe Pesci shows up at my door? I invite him in, offer him a drink and assault him with a viewing of 1994’s Gone Fishin’
End of Story, no elaborate burglar mousetraps.
Just me, holding the LEGEND Joe Pesci, accountable for his sins. He’ll apologize, we’ll make up and go down to the Block Buster Video, rent Casino, and get cashiered by none other than his former Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, co-star…DANIEL STERN!
Oh my darling cupcakes of adorability, I’m so happy I can’t contain myself! Where will this day take me? What musings shall erupt from this well-spring of creativity and freedom.
You’ll just have to stay tuned.
Shout out to the best moms-in-law a Crib Keeper could ever hope for. Thank you for the MUCH NEEDED break.
Real Talk: 3 times while writing this post I looked up to check on Angry Baby. Even when I’m HOME ALONE, I still apparently have my MOM GENES on!
And as an added treat, here’s my all-time favorite Kevin line: