Ghost Host Guest Post by Movie Dude: The Green Hornet, I need a can of RAID

Flip a booger on my windshield and I'll kill your family

I recently had a chance to watch the Green Hornet for the first time.  I’m not sure I’d call myself a Seth Rogen fan but I do find his delivery to be kinda funny.  What I’m more a fan of are action movies where there are cool gadgets, especially gadgets that involve guns.  The car in this movie definitely fits this bill but unfortunately the car is the coolest thing in the movie.  If the entire movie had been them driving around in the car blowing stuff up I’d have been a happy guy.  Heck, they could have spent the first half of the movie building the car and the second half blowing stuff up and I’d probably have been even happier.  Instead you get some back story about how Seth’s dad was a jerk for pulling the head off his toy when he was 8…or something like that.  It’s impossible to feel sorry for him though because he’s super rich and has zero ambition or direction in life.  His dad dies and he fires all his dads staff…including the guy that made his coffee.  The coffee turns to crap and so he calls the guy back to service.  You guessed it, the Asian guy.  Who, besides making a mean cup of coffee, also works on the vast array of cars in the family collection and happens to be a martial arts master.  I mean, whose mechanic isn’t these days?  Flash forward about 10 minutes and its montage time.  They are working on their getups…and the car.  Or rather the Asian guy is, and Seth is honing his douchebag skills. 

Oh…I almost forgot…there’s also a Russian bad guy with a sensitive side.  Unfortunately it’s Christoph Waltz (who STOLE the show in Inglourious Basterds).  I guess I understand…I mean, you gotta pay the bills.  I just loved his character so much in Basterds that to see him in this half baked turd kinda stung.  It’s like seeing Sir Anthony Hopkins in a Cheeto commercial. 

Anyway, I won’t belabor the point any longer.  It’s an OK popcorn kinda movie until about half way through and then it all starts to fall apart.  Did you happen to see The Transporter?  Do you remember how the first part of the movie was really cool and then somewhere along the way it jumped the shark?  It goes from cool, to improbable, to outright dumb.  Its like the writers just kinda gave up and the director’s punk kid finished the script.  The Green Hornet suffers the same fate.  Here’s how the decent into lameness happens for me:

  1. “Its ok…not great, but hey it’s a comic book movie.”
  2. “Well I mean, I guess I can kinda see where they’re coming from.  Their trying to get laughs.”
  3. “All right…yeah ok.  *sigh* They’re going for the lowest common denominator.”
  4. “I cant defend this any longer…its just….stupid”
  5. Checking the TV guide to see if there are any Matlock re-runs on.

So there you have it.  The car is cool and that’s about it.  I just hope Christoph Waltz can get another gig after looking like a pimp in a red naugahide suit. 

Hopkins is no Winters!

 

-Movie Dude

Editor’s note: Movie Dude is a dad and doesn’t have time to watch many movies all the way through, let alone keep up with the latest Hollywood turds. Enjoy his movie reviews for what they are: hilarious. Thanks Movie Dude, this White Russian is for you!!!

 


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