Happy Weekend boils and ghouls! Where o where have I been today?? Why celebrating father’s day with my Dad!
Awww how sweet!
Today Lover fo’ Life, baby bro and I gave my father all any dad ever wants: WE DID CRAP FOR HIM AROUND THE HOUSE!
Say you need someone to scrub the pool, clean the casa, yard work, and general repair jobs? You’ve come to the right offspring! Why, I’m 70% sure future-manual labor opportunity is why people have children, it surely isn’t because babies are sweet and don’t scream. Here’s how I imagine it went at no-name general when I was born…
Announcing the Birth, a play written by the Crib Keeper
A beaming young Angry Grandpa bounds out of the delivery room
Well Wisher: Congrats Sir!!! I hear your wife just popped out a kiddo! Radical! (Hey this was awhile ago!)
My Dad: Totally Dude! The Ol’ lady squeezed out a baby girl. She’s cute and all, but the real joy of parenthood starts just as soon as her nimble fingers can hold a tack hammer.
Well Wisher: Well Duh!? Why do you think children were invented, I had my eldest installing drywall by his 6th birthday!!!
My Dad: YOU MEAN I HAVE TO CODDLE THIS LIL’ WORKHORSE FOR THAT LONG! UNACCEPTABLE!
Narrator: And that children, is how infant circuit training was born.
THE END. Fin.
Gold Bullion, Diamonds dipped in Rubies? Keep that useless crap, if you’ve got my Pops, because he’d rather be celebrated in Child Labor Sweat. And in the prized halls of forced-offspring manual labor there IS NO higher currency , than Adult Child-Sweat.
And sweat we did! Here’s some FUN FACTS:
1. It’s over 102 degrees and HUMID outside.
2. My parents keep their house as hot as Richard Simmons.
3. I wore a knit shirt and jeans (got dressed when I was still asleep, obviously.)
Combine all three of those and you get an unholy soup of sweat that left your Beloved Crib Keeper resembling a rotisserie hotdog: red, sweaty and bloated from the heat. I sure hope I don’t spill mustard on my arm, because I would be too delicious to pass up.
Happy Father’s Day to my Dad! Even if today he ruled over us like an Ancient Egyptian Pharoh…True Story: my brother is STILL fanning palm fronds for the old man as I type this.