I was turned on to a wonderful blog post by my Beautiful MOMGYVER friend who lives in Alabama, we’ll call her Belle-Bama or B.B. if ya’ cute!

BB is a Superhero Single Mom. She loves, writes, paints, creates, AND raises her beautiful boy…told you she was a SUPERHERO!!!

Side note: Belle-Bama is one of my longest and dearest friends, she is a living muse, all that she touches in her life is better for having met her. One of her art pieces hangs in Angry Baby’s room!!!

Anybabies, I read this post, and was inspired. It’s from blog legend, here’s the post, it has a few swears, so read at your own risk 😉

I decided I wanted to write a letter to my pregnant self, now that Angry Baby is here and I’m getting the hang of baby wrangling. I know this is merely an exercise in hindsight for me, but for you dear mothers and fathers to be who might be reading this, it might give you something to chew on. BTW: No two people are alike, so don’t hate on my advice TO MYSELF!

To the future Keeper of the Crib:

Howdy lady! Dry those eyes, this whole pregnancy thing, while it feels like forever, will be over before you know it. I’m serious. In a matter of weeks, you’ll be able to turn in your bed without getting out of it to do so, your bladder will be able to hold more than a thimble, AND YOUR FEET WON’T BE THE SIZE OF HAMS!

Here’s ten things I want you to keep in mind, these next few months are gonna be a blur, feel free to print it off for future reference.

1. Sleep when baby sleeps

This gem was bestowed on me by Grouchy Granny, one evening while the two of us were eating dinner. She was rather insistent and something about the tone in her voice made me take heed immediately. This single diamond of truth should be a new parents creed. Babies sleep for 75 hours a day, just not when you would expect it or in long increments for that matter. When kiddo goes down, so do you. Everything else you are tempted to do, don’t. Nothing is as important as you snatching up sleep nuggets when you can.

2. Take plenty of shower vacations at the very least SHOWER

See my post on Showercations. Shower regularly. If you aren’t a parent that seems like a given! Those first few weeks of parenthood go a lot easier if you don’t smell like livestock. You’d be surprised what a little soap and water can do for the stress-levels!

3. The Military Channel Rules at 3:00am

It’s informative, drones on thus lulling baby into a trance or sleep, and it has NUTTY after-hours commercials. REAL TALK: You’ll never look at pepaw the same way! You’re up and will be, might as well learn something.

4. If you put enough sugar in your coffee/tea it counts as a meal

You will need to remember this tip early and often. Lay off me nutrition nuts, I’ve got a screamin’ baby.

5. You really don’t need ALLLLL that stuff

You know what, when all else fails as long as you have a bottle of formula/ water, hand towel and a diaper, the rest is just frills. You’ll need to remember that when you get so wrapped up in packing the diaper bag with everything, you forget it and leave for the Pediatrician without it, only to realize when you get there that you do not have it. Bonus Tip: Keep those previously listed items on you at all times (car, purse, murse, briefcase, whateves.) It’s nice to have gear, but in a pinch make sure your bases are covered and you’ll be fine!

6. Friends & Family work wonders

Before you had a baby, your family and friends were a lovely punctuation to what you had going on in your life. Once a kid arrives, your family becomes crucial to helping you keep your sanity, even when it’s doubtful they are sane! Those of you without family to help, transplanted by a job or circumstance, you are something special. The hard work you do ALL ALONE is incredible, if you ever want to shed some light on how you do it, feel free to submit. I’ll post any and all that you say.

Friends are no longer JUST pals that you get into crazy fun with. They also morph into therapists, doctors, miracle workers, baby wranglers, shoulders to cry on, and luxurious getaways from the baby grind. Your friends are just as important to your sanity as family. Also, pals with kids have been through this and often know best.

7. You never get used to dirty diapers

I fooled myself with the notion that eventually my nose would get used to baby crap. You never do get used to cleaning up another human’s feces. Sorry to burst your bubble. The good news is, infant poo isn’t that stinky. The bad news? Once babies start eating real food it’s like a 40-year-old grown man took a dump mere inches from your face.

8. Nature is Nifty

You’ll be amazed by how much nature kicks in. You’ll have instincts and hunches out of nowhere that work for baby. Listen to your heart, as Roxette sang! You’ve got the chops! I know you don’t consider yourself ready to be a mother, but nobody does. Your body knows the score and often leads the way.

9. People are kinder than I ever imagined

I’m a real live jerk and often would be nasty about screaming babies in public. I never said anything to the poor moms, but oh how I hated them. To myself, I screamed, cursed, and stuck my tongue out at every child melt-down. Perhaps that’s why I was SO TERRIFIED when Angry Baby first started throwing public tantrums (Real Talk: every time we went outside the house.) Because I was internally so nasty about it. I’ve found that for every stormer-off-er, for every  loud smack and sigh when I present my Angry Baby to public, there are 10 positive reactions. Lots of people love babies, and will be glad to let you know that. Out of nowhere, people help you, and at the very least, you get a lot of knowing grins.

10 Babies are pretty resilient

When all else fails, remember that babies only have one job on this earth at first, to MAKE SURE THEY SURVIVE AND THRIVE. As long as you are present and able to care in the best way you can, the rest will make itself up as you go along. You can do this YOU WERE MADE TO. Babies repel a lot of stupidity, as long as you learn from any mistakes THAT WILL HAPPEN, you both will be fine.


Your tired and somewhat smarter self.

So there’s my list. Frame it, burn it or whatever you please…what are some things you wish you could tell YOUR former self!? I’m dying to hear from all of you, my darling readers!!!!!


Artwork by Amanda Lyle


AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL: 10 Things — 1 Comment

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