Travels with Angry Baby


Angry Baby not pictured, but it works better for "Moustache Monday"

Angry Baby’s Great-Granny, had a surprise Birthday party on Saturday. The party was 5 hours away, and was scheduled for two hours (they booked a place),  Lover fo’ Life and I decided to throw caution to the wind, we enlisted the help of Grouchy Granny, and made plans to drive up, party, and drive back same day. Grouchy Granny was our additional Angry Baby pit crew member.

Saturday morning at 5:30 L4L  and I popped out of bed, showered packed up the baby circus and arrived to pick up Grouchy Granny at  7:15am. The party started at 1:30pm so we had plenty o’ time to stop and do whatever Angry Baby bidness needed done on the way. Grouchy Granny met us at her house, hobbling. She had horrible pack pain. Just what you want to have before you ride in a car for 12 hours. Yikes. But GG champed through, assured us she was fine, and off we went.

 I can practically hear the drool dripping from your mouths, you sickos are just CHOMPIN’ at the bit to hear my tale of 12 hours inna car with a screaming baby and hurting mother-in-law. You ghouls take such delight in my torture!

For the first two hours, we were pretty quiet. I was in a craptastic mood thanks to zero sleep. I stared out the window, Angry Baby slept, Mother-in-law winced from back pain, Lover fo’ Life drove while simultaneously trying to get me to cheer up, side note: you can imagine how well that went. I decided to seek solace in my phone. I sent a few texts, when out of nowhere my Droid started THINKING FOR ITSELF! The phone went nutso, it opened up my phonebook, started randomly dialing people, texting nonsense, recording with the video camera…I had no control over it. Obviously, it was possessed by the bad luck that was eventually going to ruin this trip. My mood turned from a soggy gray to a crunchy pitch-black.

We stopped to stretch, change and feed Angry Baby. Lover fo’ Life picked up cinnamon rolls and beef jerky (the man knows me!) perhaps it was the fact I was finally eating breakfast, or maybe it was the magic of Angry Baby being surprisingly sweet, but my mood drastically improved.

The next time we stopped was when we got to our destination town. Angry Baby slept practically the entire trip up! We picked up some lunch (at CHICKEN EXPRESS!) and fed, changed/ put Angry Baby in her party dress. In case you were wondering: standing hunched over the back seat with a screaming baby about to pee on your leather seats while the sun beats on your back is not the BEST way to put a baby in an elaborate party dress. I’m not kidding when I say it took GG and yours truly 5 minutes to get the last button done. Oy, that kid has a temper when she wants to!

We arrived at the party location just in time to help finish the set up. Grouchy Granny took the baby and all was well. WE DID IT, we made it to the party! In one piece!

Because I didn’t have a wiggling cutie in my arms, I was free and clear to help, when suddenly a woman in her 70’s approached me, “I have a super 8 movie of your Grandma in 1965, my grandson converted it to DVD, it will play in a computer or DVD player.”

I’m a jerk in real life, but when around people older than myself, I become a 12-year-old dutiful granddaughter. I didn’t know this woman, but she was there for Great Granny, so I naturally listened, was properly impressed and smiled. I failed to realize she was soliciting my services. She took my interest in her super 8 DVD as an acceptance of responsibility. “Well, I’ve got to go to a baby shower soon so, make sure your Granny knows she can watch it on her computer or DVD player.

Um, yeah. I’m pretty sure Great Granny still rocks a Betamax player and thinks computers are strictly for kids to fool with. Basically, this kind woman made it my responsibility to procure a way to make this Movie visible to guests at the party, the party that was already underway. Grouchy Granny had brought her laptop (she was doing some work in the backseat on the way up between, pain and baby wrangling,) thanks to her laptop the Super 8 viewing went off without a hitch. For the next hour I sat at the laptop showing the same loop of film to guests as they would meander over. I didn’t mind as I knew I surely was racking up good Karma that could be traded for a possible smooth trip home.

Great Granny had a blast and loved the surprise. Pie was consumed, cakes were demolished all while Angry Baby played. My Happy Baby smiled, cooed, let everyone and their dog hold her, and specifically requested Grouchy Granny for most of the party. This was a revelation. You see, I don’t call my mother in law “Grouchy Granny,” because SHE’S grouchy, I gave her the name because Angry Baby went through a phase where my mother in law merely looking at her was cause to throw a baby fit. And here, at the party, I watched those fat little arms reach for GG. I’d give Grouchy Granny a new name on here, if I could think of a clever replacement (spoiler alert: I can’t.)

Eventually, it was time to say our goodbyes, which stinks because our fam is the jam. I love spending time with the family up there. As we pulled out of the driveway, my stomach sank. Angry Baby was so good on the way up here and at the party, there’s no way lightning is going to strike twice.

It did.

The ride home was a pleasure, GG was feeling better, Angry Baby slept while we chatted about her progress and spoke of plans for her future, it was really nice and relaxing. We stopped one time on the way home to: change, feed, snack, pit stop, and refuel the guzzler. The stop was at Buc-ee’s = double win.

L4L and I pulled into our driveway at 10:00pm: tired, stiff and ready to recoup. But as I sat on the couch and watched Justin Timberlake bring the Ha-Has hosting SNL, I had an extra chuckle in my tiny shriveled heart knowing that not only did we survive the long journey up n back, we thrived.

I don’t know what has come over my Angry little Yellybean lately, but I’m not complaining! Of course, as I type this, she’s waking up and screamin’ extree loud. Perhaps I just jinxed myself.

Pretend like you never read this post, or better yet, pretend our trip was AWFUL, just the trainwreck you were hoping Ye Olde Crib Keeper would lay on you. That way, the fates can’t zap me for bragging about our wonderful road trip.

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