Choose your own Afternoon Adventure Post

Your Move, Dr. Jones

Greetings Dear Readers! I have survived the seven seas of sorrow that was cleaning my house!!! (only the part company sees) Angry Baby is sleeping like a little sweetcheeks. Did I ever tell you that Angry Baby has two distinct modes…ADVENTURES, if you will! Adventure Path(!) One: SWEETCHEEKS; the cutest, happiest, lafin’ little cherub straight from a Corinthians Decorative Wall Tapestry! Maybe that’s not your thing…perhaps you’d like to choose Two: BUTTCHEEKS; the angriest, meanest, yelliest little cinnamon yelly bean this side o’ the Pecos.

Only WE don’t get to choose our own adventure, so it’s more like: “Here’s a kick in the pillsberries, OR a burst of golden sunshine into your tiny shriveled heart, Angry Baby Decides” Adventure.

But YOU my darlings deserve a choice! You my sweet dear reader are far away from the lil’ Buttcheeks starting to wake up as I type this. If you don’t hear from me by nightfall, send a search party.

HAY CRIB KEEPER! (Hey what?) I’M READY TO CHOOSE MY OWN POST ADVENTURE!!!!

Fabulous! Tonight I am going to: 1. Curl up with my snuggie and watch Jack Johnson concert footage. 2. Hittin the town with my peeps 3. Fulfilling some body grooming obligations (Ew.)

Ready to choose! I know: THEY’RE ALL PRETTY RAD!

If you chose read 1. on!  If you chose 2. skip down a bit, same goes for you, 3.

YOU CHOSE 1.

Might I suggest you ditch Jack Johnson, and watch some GREAT WHITE SHARK Videos instead? Here, you can borrow my the www.grouchymuffin.com Snuggie:

SNUG LIFE!

You Chose 2. (3? Keep on scrolling…)

Might I suggest a tiny stowaway named El Rey? He’s a nude dude with a rude ‘tude and loves being taken out to nightclubs (he has two fake side jobs at two fictitious nightclubs, more on that later.) He’s awesome for scoring chicks and dudes! He’s been feeling a little neglected and a nite out with you is just what he needs!

Stowaway Party Boy!

 You chose 3. (finally!)

When you’re done using the belt sander on your toes, and a cheese grater on your callouses (Ew.), Might I suggest this Chesthair/Moustache grooming pattern? It’s going to get you crazy amounts of foxy knockouts! YOU CAN THANK ME LATER!

Are you still reading? Why aren’t you out living your AFTERNOON ADVENTURE YOU CHOSE yet? Oh, who am I kidding? This is how we’re ALL ending up by 10pm tonight.

DRUNK ON LIFE!

Just for fun, here’s my fave clip from my fave Indiana Jones Movie, INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM!  To wasting time! Sing it, Mrs. Steven Spielberg!!!

Indy Pic: ©Paramount Pictures


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