This originally was to be all about my philosophy of “being as comfortable as possible,” when I have precious, rare as a unicorn, downtime. I call it “livin’ the SNUG life.” I was going to go through my zippy little tenants and thoughts…it would’ve culminated in me singing the praises of the SLEEVED Blanket. Notice how I don’t call it a ‘Snuggie?’ But all that changed while doing my “research” online…allow me to explain.
You aren’t going to believe me when I tell you this, but I used the word “Snuggie,” for about 3 years BEFORE the WONDER OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY(!) bearing the same name debuted. Believe it or not, there was an invention the YEAR BEFORE Snuggie called “the Slanket.” It was a much higher quality snuggie…story was it was invented by a gamer college student (AKA THE MOST BRILLIANT INVENTOR EVER!) It was THE Hottest Gift (in blanket-related goods) of 2006 and guess what(!) at Christmas they SOLD out! Forcing one procrastinating daughter (who had a chance to buy one in august of that year and put it off) to spend 4 times its price on eBay the week before Christmas.
I’m on team SLANKET (aka the Betamax to Snuggie’s VHS.)
Always have been, always will be. I’ll never forget the day I heard the first Snuggie commercial, I was petting my sweet little boy, El Rey, on the couch at 2am some random night. I was giving El Rey what I (and had for years) called “Snuggies.” As in, “El Rey let’s have snuggies under the covies with Mommy!” Snuggies are and will always FIRST be A FORM OF SNUGGLING WITH A PET (preferably a tiny timid little chihuahua who is bell trained.) The Snuggie commercial blared and El Rey and I both perked up, “THAT SLANKET KNOCK-OFF STOLE OUR TERM!”
The rest they say is history…Snuggie went viral (the kind viral where you spend money.) Loads of cash went to the Snug Baron (where ever he or she is.) The Slanket people made a killing prior to being ripped off…so everyone was a winner! Actually, AMERICA is the true winner. We have a variety of sleeved-blanket options available at the click of an internet navigating appliance. Here are some examples:
This is courtesy of SNUGGIE, it’s from the “True Fun,” line. Really? Peace signs are “True Fun?” Last time I checked peace was a hard thing to attain and NOT A FUN PROCESS. Could you imagine Gandhi sporting this in his off time? “Sorry guys, I must have some TRUE FUN!”
Ok, this is a SLANKET pattern. I’m not trying to hate, I gotta give you some CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM(!)
This pattern isn’t the best PR for a company that caters to people who like to take it easy and live the SNUG LIFE! I’m gonna go out on a limb that 85% of your Slankets end up with Arby’s Sauce on them in the first week of ownership. As a fast food “enthusiast (not Arby’s, it’s horrid) ,” I love to take a greasy bag full o’ num nums and devour the contents while in the comfort of my sleeved-blanket on occasion…BUT I DON’T WANT TO ADVERTISE IT! If you really want it to fly off of the shelves, come up with an “Organic” Slanket (doesn’t have to be organic cotton, just stamp organic all over in a repeated pattern.)
There’s a reason this pattern was on sale. It has Hot Dogs and Hamburgers on it. NEXT!
Wow Slanket, ANOTHER ONE! You’re making it veddy hard for me to make the case YOU ARE SUPERIOR! This blanket is too funny to be real, but it is. I know what you’re thinking, “It looks like a wine-soaked blob coming to seek vengeance for its brother, the brown couch.” And you are correct!
I’d like to think if I were in the midst of a slow-creeping cloth blob death grip, I would at least wipe that stupid grin off my face. They say adrenaline takes over though, so who knows? NEEEXT
That’s it. I’m just going to pretend this pattern called, “Las Vegas,” is sold by SNUGGIE! SNUGGIE was pretty foolish to call a SNUGGIE pattern “Las Vegas,” because unlike Vegas, NOBODY IS GETTING LUCKY in that nightmare (heeeeey-oooooooo!)
Finally, the BEST (worst!)
This actually is a SNUGGIE brand sleeved blanket:
BEHOLD!!! The Snuggie, “Sherpa Style.” or as I like to call it, “Ritual Sacrifice attire you can be confident in.”
These two dips look like they are on the way to an ancient druid ceremony reenactment at Stonehenge. I’ll bet their names are “Goria and Tantara” (AKA Carol and Eugene during the week.) I can hear them now:
Goria: “Tantara, did you remember to pack our SHERPA STYLE robes? I hear it’s going to get down to 40 outside at
Mark’s Kremlock’s BBQ.” Tantara: “Yes Gloria, er GORIA um dear.”
Add the fact that SHERPAS are nimble guides that take you (and your out of shape mountain climbing friends) to new heights. If a SHERPA decided to purchase the “Sherpa” Snuggie, he wouldn’t because he would fall off the first mountain he “sherp’d” with it…IT’S TOO BIG AND BULKY FOR A REAL “SHERPA STYLE” SHERPA.
FYI: This example of fine craftsmanship will ALSO set you back 40.00(!!!)
Actually, that’s still half of what I had to pay on ebay. That’s a pretty good deal! “Goria dear, where can I find one just like that!?”
http://www.theslanket.com/ No love (link) for the Snuggie.
If you are curious which Slanket I’m putting on my wish list hereitis:
The color (for those of you taking notes) is ALL BLACK and it’s called TEXAS TEA!