Almost 20 years ago, the world was introduced to the most glorious literary sea creature since size Queen Captain Ahab chased Dick (get your mind out of the gutter!)
The monster that rose from the deep was none other than Meg, the bloodthirsty villain of Steve Alten’s legendary book titled, you guessed it, Meg.
I was given a copy of Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror, for Christmas, by Boxing day, I had finished the tome, devouring it instantaneously, just like the title hero, my beloved Megalodon.
While I had been obsessed with the ancient Lord of the Deep since 2nd grade, I hadn’t met anyone outside of my family, who knew what the Hell I was talking about. All that changed when Steve Alten, AKA Uncle Steve, delivered his 300+ page gory Valentine directly into my brainmeat. Hard Scrabble romantic and protagonist Jonah Taylor teams with Dr. Tanaka and his comely daughter, from the Tanaka Institute for Oceanic Studies, to lure and ultimately kill the titular titan.
As one of the greatest scribes literary history, Alten knew the value of a good homicidal cash cow, and left the door open for sequels. 5 of them.
Meg: Primal Waters
Meg: Hell’s Aquarium
Meg: Night Stalkers
While I celebrate his entire catalogue, it’s MEG: A Novel Of Deep Terror that has held my attention for the better part of 20 years, why? Because it’s had a movie development deal in limbo for 18 years.
Since 1997 plans for a big screen Meg have been in what folks in the biz like to call, “development Hell.” Disney gobbled the rights up instantly, only to constantly back-burner the project.
From Jan De Bont to Guillermo del Torro, many a hollywood big wig was tied to the project, but due to the fact that 1999’s Deep Blue Sea was a complete and total box office disaster, the apex predator’s movie debut was iced.
I’ll never forget the day I learned from Mr. Alten himself, that Meg was dead in the water. I’m not going to date myself by saying what specific year that was, but let’s just say, I got the news via his personal Listserv.
Since that sad day, I’ve yelled the same angry phrase at many a movie screen: “They made THIS CRAP instead of MEG!?”
Earlier this year, Uncle Stevie appeared on George Nori’s radio show, Coast to Coast and confirmed that the project, much like Megalodon, wasn’t extinct.
This week, hollywood finally f*cking listened to me, and announced that MEG IS BACK, BABY! Thanks to the supreme success of Star Lord humping on a dinosaur AKA the Chris Pratt vehicle Jurassic World, everything prehistoric is new again.
It was announced that director Eli Roth has been attached to the revived big-budget blockbuster. Eli is the sicko behind the Hostel franchise who ALSO played Donny Donowitz in Tarantino’s tour de force, Inglourious Basterds.
That’s right homies, the Bear Jew has our back.
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE, FELLOW MEGALODON OBSESSIVES! The huge world-wide blockbuster that Meg will most assuredly be, will no doubt fuel interest for rediscovering our true Lord of the Deep, the most ferocious predator that has ever existed in all of time. Unless you’re into hippy memes, and in that case Megalodon is only second to the Human in brutal, earth-murdering terror.
It’s only a matter of time before the world falls in love with Megalodon! Aren’t you glad that I’m already in the process of organizing a privately funded exploratory cruise in the Sea of Cortez, the #1 hot spot for modern-day Megalodon sightings. We set sail in but a handful of years just as soon as my assistant, Angry Baby is at least 8 or 9 years old. Who amongst you has the nuts to look the Black Demon right in his massive, glassy, doll’s eye? I promise no one is getting in the water (this time around.)
As always, I’ll keep you abreast of all MEG news, casting, production dates, filming, you’ll hear about it all.
In light of this wonderful news, I remind you to NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS! Here’s a motivational clip from the terrible movie (that I have memorized) Deep Blue Sea. You’ll remember this Thomas Jane/ LL Cool J dung pile was the flop that almost killed Meg’s movie dreams.