Intermission

Well kiddies, we’re halfway through my series on Africa, and while I know 99.99% of y’all are enjoying it thoroughly, there’s that .001 of you who are probably bored with my navel-gazing gush-a-thon. Where’s the heartless (yet devastatingly gorgeous) Villainess who created this clap trap hobo parlor of a website?

She’s still here.

Why, just yesterday I was cutting someone off/laying on the horn at Starbucks, when I realized that no matter how much good comes from the Mission trips to Kenya, I’ll always be a jerk.

This showboating hack-fest of a blog exists for me to write freely about anything that tickles my ivories. While I’ll continue to document my astounding time in Kenya, I figured today all the tramps in the drunk tank could use an update from Casa de Cribsy.

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1.“Angry Baby,” began Kindergarten 8/22, and not only is she loving school, homegirl is killin’ it.

In addition to knowing all of her sight words for the year, she’s accruing a vast wealth of “Panther Paws,” which I’m told is some sort of reward system/prison currency.

While I don’t intend to go heavy on the parenting blog posts, I will be writing a little ditty about her social goings-on, complete with a detailed description of V’s friend-vetting process.

You read that correctly, Brainy Smurf Jr. has her own rigorous pal-selection protocol; the current “new friend count” is at 3.5. How can a kid be friends with 1/2 of a person? She can’t. Apparently, Israel K. is only half-way to boarding the S.S. Friendship.

Sweet as a cupcake, smart as a whip.

2. Kitty, AKA my Moms in Law, is still recovering from breast cancer.

Months after her bilateral mastectomy/reconstructive surgery, the tuff ol’ broad is fighting her way back to well. Unfortunately, since we last spoke, she’s had an additional surgery, and still has another surgery scheduled for 9/21. But fret not my pets,THIS SATURDAY SHE GETS TO GO HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF SUMMER!

Kitty’s a class act, to see her (and the boys) go through all of this medical torture has been super bum-out city. Keep the prayers, warm wishes, and Oprah vibes coming, because not only are they working, KITTY IS WINNING! My prediction is that she’ll be 100% by the HALLOWEEN PARTY AT THE FAMILY RANCH on 10/29!

YAY Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!

YAY Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!

3. It’s Officially Pumpkin Spice Hunting Season

Ah September! Like all the demographical stereotypes would predict, my house is packed with Pumpkin Spice flavored everything, and smells like an apple puked up cinnamon Schnapps. I LOVE FALL, Y’ALL!

To all you Pumpkin Spice haters, I’d like to say: “GOOD, I’M GLAD YOU HATE PUMPKIN SPICE! MORE FOR ME!” Listen up you dumb dummies, I had to endure 5+ YEARS of main-stream bacon worship, so y’all can shut your yaps for a coupla months.

2016's cruel march of CHERISHED celebrity deaths has no end in sight.

2016’s cruel march of CHERISHED celebrity deaths has no end in sight.

That’s where we stand for now; the kid is thriving in school and Kitty’s doing better than ever. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta take the kid to visit her Granny; then tonight, we’re putting up Halloween Decorations, and it’s gonna be ALL FALL UP IN THIS MUTHA!

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It’s beginning to look a lot like HALLOWEEN!

Because I’m sensitive to the foul-mouthed hooligans who frequent this dump, I’ve included Matt Bellasai’s classic 2015 NSFW diatribe about fall, enjoy!

PS: Part 6 of Meryl Cribsy’s adventures in Kenya will debut Monday!