22 Days Later

Run like Hell.

Run like Hell.

22 Days ago, my Mom’s in law had a double mastectomy. She was wheeled into the operating room with stage 2 breast cancer, and wheeled out 10 hours later, cancer free. In the weeks since her rapid release from the hospital, things have been…action packed. We’re still in the eye of the hurricane, so it’s gonna take me awhile to digest how I want to address what solid gold SAINTS our family and friends are.

Suffice to say, things we planned, soon were tossed by the wayside in favor of Kitty’s recovery. Because my a** is packing for a Kenya, I am gonna give y’all a quick synopsis of events and take-aways

It Takes a Village (Idiot) 

We decided to have my mom’s in law recover in her own home. My house is a mere 5 streets away, outfitted with various bells, whistles, high-tech gizmos, and is kept at a bone-crushing 68 degrees. In other words, Casa de Cribsy is my ideal villain lair. However, for an always-freezing sassy granny, who doesn’t like skulls and other “creepy junk” that I collect, my house represents Nana heck on Earth. Kitty’s place, is chock full of “her things,” and so hot that it’s one step away from Matt McConaughey wearing a full-length fur coat while hot-boxing a Pal Mal in a swedish sauna on the surface of Mars.

Every weekday, from 7-7, I work the day shift, profusely sweating, tending to her needs and encouraging my MIL, on her daily travels down the road to recovery. Nights are G$ and his bride, they rotate, so at least one of them is with her every night. Lover fo’ Life fills in the gaps and weekend duty is Thane-O, featuring Kitty’s baby-sister Kim. Between all of us, the crusty trollup has 24/7 care and assistance. I’d take your pats on the back and hugs of gratitude, but the moist claminess of my cold-conditioned alabaster skin would totes skeeve you out.

Cancer Sucks, no…really guys. 

Sh*t has been real: real exhausting, real frustrating, and strangely, real rewarding. Helping someone you love recover from time on Dr. Frankenstein’s table, is a long and arduous process, but I’m honored to be there to assist.

People are amazing.

Forget what the f*cking hate factory Facebook/CNN/FOX says, humanity is filled with beautiful souls, I meet at least one new stellar example who saves the day, EVERY DAY.

Keep Up the Good Work.

For all you tricks that are hardcore praying/loving/meditating/wishing Kitty well, It’s working!!!! Every day she feels that energy and remarks upon it. We’ve got a long road to go, some days are encouraging, others are a big ol sh*tshow (G$ gets a special shout out for Tuesday’s Herculean effort!), but then again, no one has ever been “mildly inconvenienced with Cancer.” Each day she is healing from the inside out, and eventually she’s going to be past all of the pain, loopiness, fatigue, and discouragement.

Time’s a Ticking.

That being said, it needs to get better, QUICK(!) Yours truly, Kitty’s weekday care-giver is leavin’ on a jet plane Sunday afternoon. See, earlier in the year, pre-Cancer diagnosis, L4L and I agreed to join a group on a Volunteer humanitarian mission to Kenya, specifically, to the mountains outside of Nairobi at Haven of the Hill Children’s home, we will also be visiting an orphanage and will be teaching hundreds of kiddos, while delivering much-needed school supplies and uniforms. My personal mission is to hug as many children as possible, and let each and every one of them know that they are loved. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of interviewing and hiring a wonderful nurse and caregiver. Thankfully, I will be leaving my MIL in impeccable care.

Comin' Attcha!

Comin’ Attcha!

So that’s where we stand for now. Kitty is alive if not well. Fret not my pets, for I’ve saved the BEST news for last…

All 7 removed lymph glands are completely clear, and Homegirl is 100% cancer-free, she’ll only have to take a hormone inhibitor with very few side effects as her chemical therapy; just one pill a day for several years, that’s it. Kitty elected to have a double (bi-lateral) mastectomy, even though she only needed one of her flapjacks fed into the guillotine. The other sandbag had no tumors. Because Mama didn’t raise no fool, Kitty chose to go ahead and lop the other off. The way her cancer surgeon broke it down to us was simple: “One and you might have a development in the other breast down the road. Remove both and you’ll never have to worry about breast cancer again.” Uh, no-brainer, check please!!!!!! 

Last week we met with her Oncologist, who went through the freshly slashed breast tissue pathology report with us. And wouldn’t you know that she informed us there were pre-cancerous cells in the “healthy” breast. When a Cancer doctor says, “We really dodged a bullet here,” you best listen and mark that as a win.

Until Next Time,

Nurse Cribsy

They are supposed to be Breast Cancer awareness ribbons, you sickos.

They are supposed to be Breast Cancer awareness ribbons, you sickos.